So You Want a Son in Law, a Talmid Chacham?
A father looking for a Shidduch for his daughter, sought assistance from the Rosh Yeshiva of Ponevezh, Rav Shmuel Rozovsky. He inquired about a boy in the Yeshiva, asking:
How many hours a day did the boy learn? Was he punctual in arriving to Seder and did he spend his time diligently? Did he come to davening on time and did he actively participate in Shiur? Did he ask relevant questions and did he understand the answers? After receiving a favourable report in regard to his questions he thanked Rav Shmuel and began to leave. At that point Rav Shmuel in his gentle and noble manner made the following observations. “You seem happy with the report I gave you and that all your daughter needs to know is that he comes on time and is a Lamdan. However it is entirely possible that your daughter would like to know if he is a Mentch. You might want to ask: How often does he brush his teeth? Is he pleasant to sit near? How does he behave in the dining room? Does he arrive first to the dining room and take the biggest portion, or does he linger after Mincha for a few minutes to learn with a Chavrusa and eat whatever portion is left? What does he do when the pitcher is empty on the table? Does he sit patiently waiting for someone else to fill it up for him or does he run to fill it up himself? Does he occasionally go into the kitchen to thank the staff for preparing the food? Does he eat the food even if he doesn’t like it and thank them graciously for preparing it or does he just go to the nearby kiosk to buy something he likes? You concluded that he is a Masmid, but did you ask what he does when he finishes learning late at night and his roommates are sleeping? Does he take off his shoes and tiptoe in so as not to wake them or does he walk in noisily? {I heard from Reb Moshe Don Twersky that his room-mate in the Mirrer Yeshivah, was a light sleeper and no matter how he tried to be quiet when entering, he would invariably awake his sleeping room-mate. Reb Chaim Shmulevitz responded to the query if it is Muttar, "Yeh, Obber Vi Ken Menn?" - "Sure it is permitted but how CAN one?"} Does he make his bed and keep his things neat? I think,” said Rav Shmuel, “that you need to check these things out. If he is spoiled and not like the food your daughter worked hard to prepare, he will show his dissatisfaction. Will your daughter then be happy that her father checked the boy out with the Rosh Yeshiva who told him that he knows every Ketzos and R’ Akiva Eiger in Bava Basra? Will your daughter say, it’s true that he has no manners and no social skills but I respect him anyway because he knows all the intricacies of the Sugya of the bees and the mustard in Bava Basra?” |
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